He'd felt guilty before, but that was nothing compared to the guilt he felt now.
Maybe Ranpo said it wasn't his fault, but the fact he'd felt gross after, was....
It felt bad. Incredibly, nauseously bad. And maybe Ranpo said it wasn't his fault, but he'd still initiated the things that led to that feeling. Whatever lingering blush might remain from earlier had drained from his face, leaving him pale and horrified.]
I-I'm sorry. I never wanted... I didn't want anything we did to make you feel that way. Not ever. You're not... you're not gross, Ranpo-san.
[Ranpo you can't keep doing this, Atsushi's going to rupture something at this rate.
First he's paling from horror, and then his face is starting to redden again. He's going to get dizzy at this rate... though he already kind of feels that way, at that question. He rests one hand on the countertop, totally not to keep himself upright and from crumbling into a pile of mortification.]
I... went to visit him to see how he was doing, yes.
[He hadn't even realized Sanguis would be his moonblessing until he'd pinned him to a wall.]
I-I mean.... I don't think that makes you a bad person? A kinky one, maybe, but... Um... You can't really help what you enjoy, right? A-And it's not like you made other people watch you or anything...!
[Honestly he's trying his best to be reassuring here, but also... RIP Ranpo.]
...It's not the strangest thing you could be enjoying, sex wise?
[#Nailedit
But also, he's fucking Dazai, he's had Experiences.]
...I-I got shot with a drug called 'glow' during a big fight that made me a little... animalistic. Okay, a lot.
[Stiiiiilll not looking at Ranpo. This is embarrassing enough without seeing the judgement okay!]
...The only way to cure it was getting someone to offer you Chroma. I sort of... well... P-Pinned him to a wall and... bit him. And clawed him. A lot. There was blood and--
[He grimaces.]
....He really, really liked it. A lot.
[That is the understatement of the century Atsushi.]
Atsushi, do you really think I'm going to be shocked to hear Dazai-kun is a masochist?
Have you seen the way he gets when Kunikida-kun manhandles him? I'd be more shocked to hear he likes it gentle.
[And yes, he is taking into consideration that Atsushi is probably not exaggerating when he says a lot. No doubt Dazai's depravity ran deeper than either of the could fathom.]
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[He crosses his arms, shifting uncomfortably in his seat as he averts his eyes.]
[Surely, Atsushi must feel terribly guilty right now. But Ranpo wouldn't be mad if he weren't also upset.]
...I don't like that I liked it so much. I felt... gross, afterward. But that's not your fault.
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[...oh.
He'd felt guilty before, but that was nothing compared to the guilt he felt now.
Maybe Ranpo said it wasn't his fault, but the fact he'd felt gross after, was....
It felt bad. Incredibly, nauseously bad. And maybe Ranpo said it wasn't his fault, but he'd still initiated the things that led to that feeling. Whatever lingering blush might remain from earlier had drained from his face, leaving him pale and horrified.]
I-I'm sorry. I never wanted... I didn't want anything we did to make you feel that way. Not ever. You're not... you're not gross, Ranpo-san.
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Wait, that's-- that's not what I meant! It really had nothing to do with anything you did! It was... well...
[How does he explain this when he doesn't really want to explain this.]
[...]
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First he's paling from horror, and then his face is starting to redden again. He's going to get dizzy at this rate... though he already kind of feels that way, at that question. He rests one hand on the countertop, totally not to keep himself upright and from crumbling into a pile of mortification.]
I... went to visit him to see how he was doing, yes.
[He hadn't even realized Sanguis would be his moonblessing until he'd pinned him to a wall.]
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[...]
I ran into him in the street.
[Is he gonna have to connect the dots here or is Atsushi good]
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Did he-- in the street?!
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[Oh god, now Ranpo's covering his face in shame.]
[Because he liked that, too. Probably too much.]
...I'm beginning to think I might be an exhibitionist. And I can't even blame the moons for that.
[Yes, the real reason he's upset is because he's aggressively kink-shaming himself.]
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Oh. Um... hm.
That's...]
I-I mean.... I don't think that makes you a bad person? A kinky one, maybe, but... Um... You can't really help what you enjoy, right? A-And it's not like you made other people watch you or anything...!
[Honestly he's trying his best to be reassuring here, but also... RIP Ranpo.]
...It's not the strangest thing you could be enjoying, sex wise?
[#Nailedit
But also, he's fucking Dazai, he's had Experiences.]
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That's not very reassuring.
[...]
And you're not allowed to judge me when you're the one who sucked me off in the middle of a cafe.
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I-I wasn't thinking clearly, alright?! It was just... I liked the idea of having all your attention, and...!
[Trailing off into a pathetic whine here.]
And I'm not judging you. I've done some things that are probably kinkier, after all...
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...It involves Dazai-san. Do you really want to know?
[Turn back now, Ranpo.]
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[YES, IT WAS AN ALLEY it's hard to say if that made it better or worse.]
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[Wow, Kunikida... He can only imagine how awkward that would have been after Sanguis...
But Ranpo is right, in a way. And Atsushi turns his gaze away, because he knows he's right, but...]
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[Stiiiiilll not looking at Ranpo. This is embarrassing enough without seeing the judgement okay!]
...The only way to cure it was getting someone to offer you Chroma. I sort of... well... P-Pinned him to a wall and... bit him. And clawed him. A lot. There was blood and--
[He grimaces.]
....He really, really liked it. A lot.
[That is the understatement of the century Atsushi.]
AndthenwefinishedafterIwasbacktomysenses.
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Have you seen the way he gets when Kunikida-kun manhandles him? I'd be more shocked to hear he likes it gentle.
[And yes, he is taking into consideration that Atsushi is probably not exaggerating when he says a lot. No doubt Dazai's depravity ran deeper than either of the could fathom.]
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[Listen there was a lot of blood and Dazai's suit was barely clothing and--
Waaaaaaaait a second--]
D-Did you just...
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...did I what?
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[He actually looks... embarrassed? And amusingly enough, like he's trying not to show how happy that makes him. It's a weird expression.]
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[HE DIDN'T EXPECT TO BE CALLED OUT now he looks embarrassed.]
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[That 'no' is practically squeaked, goodness.]
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[But okay, he's not gonna just be a tsundere. But he does look a little sheepish, reaching up and scratching his cheek.]
And... after everything that's happened between us, it just... feels right?
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[Atsushi's looking just as sheepish. Actually, his expression right now might honestly be comparable to a flustered schoolgirl, more likely.
Listen!! He's never had anyone close to him just... It's nice okay?]
U-Um... then... could I... I mean, if it's alright with you, if it's not it's fine of course, but-- C-Could I call you 'Ranpo'?
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