[And he nods, still grinning.] Looks like someone's getting full marks on his homework-- that's right! I hope it wasn't too much trouble to figure out?
[BLUSHING MORE NOW but he doesn't look away either. That look on Zed's face is cute, after all.]
I guess it just takes talking to the right people.
[The stiffness in Zed's body seems to melt away when Ranpo grins, and he can't help but smile back too. Even if it feels like his face is on fire. He likes seeing Ranpo bright and beaming. The confirmation feels...surprisingly good too. Much better than hearing the definitions from his friend; he was perplexed at the time, wondering if there was a mistake. But now that he knows for certain, Zed can deny the fluttery feeling in his chest. If he didn't have to think about it, if he didn't have to think about who he is, where they are, and what was left behind...he wouldn't have to struggle for the right words.
Yet, he knows better.]
...Before coming here, I assumed it was impossible for me to experience or receive romantic affection or love. [He places his hand over his heart, but he knew before that that the rhythm would be thundering.] Knowing you feel that way makes me very happy. If we were from the same world, I could give you a better than I have now...
[The joyful, blushing smile that's been mirrored shifts into something more wistful. It hurts to say what's next.]
I'm sorry, but I can't be the one to stay by your side.
[To his credit, his expression only falters for a moment.]
[But it's a moment that says far more than he could with words. Try as he might to hide it, it stings. He knew it was a possibility -- a rather high one, actually. Perhaps even some part of him knew from the start that this would be the outcome. But there was still a tiny part of him that held onto the hope that maybe Zed liked him, too.]
[That was probably the case, of course. But Ranpo couldn't always see everything. Even the things that were right in front of him.]
[But the moment is brief. And when it passes, he smiles once more -- as warm and bright as he was before.]
I appreciate the honesty. But you didn't have to wait this long to tell me that. You were probably worrying about it, right?
[He says probably, but he knows he was. And knowing he was probably already planning to say this that night he came over stings in an entirely different way. Was it wrong to have come here when he was in such a vulnerable state like that? He should have been paying close attention. Or maybe he was just in denial.]
If my feelings made you happy, then that's fine by me. A little heartache is worth it if it means you won't think such sad things about yourself anymore. [He reaches out and gives his arm a little pat, tone growing more playful.] So don't let it go to waste, got it? You should love yourself, at least!
[That expression, despite the few seconds that it lasts, makes Zed's mind falter. For that moment he can process it in full, he wants to take back his words-- no, no, no, everything will work out, if he could just reach out and hold on. Maybe they could have something, together...But when Ranpo turns his smile back on, the first person he thinks of is Leo. Libra. The coming storm with the world-ending items. He really needs to return, no matter what. And not that he doesn't want to tether himself to this world with feelings, but rather...he doesn't want to force himself to walk away from a love that could be cultivated. He doesn't want to imagine Ranpo crying out in his sleep again, begging to not be left behind.
Because he knows how devastating it is to be abandoned.
Ranpo talks of self-love, and Zed's jaw clenches. He can't bear to think of that right now, especially when he's making the decision to hold Ranpo at arms length. When he can take Ranpo's hand so easily too.]
I-... [How can he not find the right words when there's so many thoughts buzzing around in his head? Damn it ...Well, the least he can do is go alone with the playful tone.] I suppose I can try as long as you continue to let me pet your hair in the future.
[The smile on his face stays, but the more he looks at Zed -- really looks at him -- the more it starts to look just a bit more strained. Because it was, after all. And it's hard to maintain that smile when it's clear Zed is hurting now.]
...maybe, eventually, we could go back to that. I think I need some time to get used to thinking of you as just a friend again.
[As much as he wanted to think otherwise, it would be cruel to the both of them to just carry on as though nothing had changed. There's no way he can just crawl into Zed's bed now, nor enjoy the feeling of those cool and smooth hands against his face, without remembering this conversation.]
[His body language shifts, crossing one arm across himself as he takes a little step back. But the more he speaks, the harder it is to keep that smile genuine. And eventually, he'll be looking away.]
It's a little hard for me... I'm not really normal in that regard. I can't bring myself to like only one person, so... it's probably for the best, like this. You deserve someone who can give you all of their attention...
[He trails off, realizing he's not really saying that for Zed's sake. But maybe if he says it, and believes it, this won't hurt so much.]
[Zed should've known better by the way Ranpo's cat ears flatten out that he was having a hard time maintaining the facade. Maybe he just didn't want to acknowledge it. Like how being referred to as a friend makes sense even though it still stings. How could it still sting when he was set in his own decision? But it's fine, he can bear it (lesser in comparison to what Ranpo must be feeling), and he thinks he can hold his ground because it's for the best.
Yet Ranpo continues, throwing him off, making him feel...frustrated? Liking more than one person-- that can be tabled for thought another time. Ranpo implying that he's not enough, that right there is frustrating. Because it's quite the reverse between them. (And Zed has to push back the voice inside that says he didn't deserve anyone to begin with.)]
Stop. [Zed steps forward, ruining the distance between them to squeeze the detective's shoulders.] Stop, that-...that's my line.
[It feels like frustration, but Zed's face reads more like regret with his deepened frown and how he glances down at the space between them.]
No matter what you or I feel, I can't stay here forever. Which is why... [He won't make this work.] ...I'm relieved you have others to be with. So you won't be alone.
[Ranpo looks up when Zed grabs him by the shoulder, and immediately regrets it, that look on his face feeling like a vice grip on his heart. Somehow it hurts even more to hear that, to know that Zed does have feelings for him, but is refusing to act on them.]
...nothing lasts forever. That's as true here as it was back home.
[But he's not going to argue. It's not his place. If this is what Zed wants, then Ranpo just has to accept that. Even if it's painful.]
[He pulls back then, shrugging out of Zed's grip, with his expression downcast. That smile on his face is still there, but so strained he's sure Zed wouldn't believe it for a moment.]
[Ranpo pulls away, and it takes everything for Zed not to reach out to him again. He has to stand by his decision. So he allows the detective to slip away from him, hating that smile he's forcing himself to make. His hands fall limply at his sides when he nods.]
...Right. I'll see you around.
[It probably won't be for awhile while they both process this, but...eventually. Maybe. It could be quick if Ranpo goes to his other loved ones-- he really doesn't need him. Just a small heartache that will pass, he knows it.
Zed thinks of the case of beer in his fridge. He'll need that tonight.]
[Ranpo nods, turning-- and his eyes lingering for a moment on the basket. The swell of happiness he felt when Zed had pulled it out has almost entirely evaporated, leaving a quiet emptiness in its place.]
[He takes a breath as if to say something, but decides against it. And so he leaves before another word can be shared between them, leaving the basket untouched.]
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[Ah, that brings a little flush to his cheeks. He has a feeling Zed figured it out earlier, but was probably waiting for today to actually tell him.]
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Trust and happiness for the roses... [He pauses, and it feels like a lifetime.] And secret love for the gardenias. Is that correct?
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[BLUSHING MORE NOW but he doesn't look away either. That look on Zed's face is cute, after all.]
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[The stiffness in Zed's body seems to melt away when Ranpo grins, and he can't help but smile back too. Even if it feels like his face is on fire. He likes seeing Ranpo bright and beaming. The confirmation feels...surprisingly good too. Much better than hearing the definitions from his friend; he was perplexed at the time, wondering if there was a mistake. But now that he knows for certain, Zed can deny the fluttery feeling in his chest. If he didn't have to think about it, if he didn't have to think about who he is, where they are, and what was left behind...he wouldn't have to struggle for the right words.
Yet, he knows better.]
...Before coming here, I assumed it was impossible for me to experience or receive romantic affection or love. [He places his hand over his heart, but he knew before that that the rhythm would be thundering.] Knowing you feel that way makes me very happy. If we were from the same world, I could give you a better than I have now...
[The joyful, blushing smile that's been mirrored shifts into something more wistful. It hurts to say what's next.]
I'm sorry, but I can't be the one to stay by your side.
1/2
[But it's a moment that says far more than he could with words. Try as he might to hide it, it stings. He knew it was a possibility -- a rather high one, actually. Perhaps even some part of him knew from the start that this would be the outcome. But there was still a tiny part of him that held onto the hope that maybe Zed liked him, too.]
[That was probably the case, of course. But Ranpo couldn't always see everything. Even the things that were right in front of him.]
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I appreciate the honesty. But you didn't have to wait this long to tell me that. You were probably worrying about it, right?
[He says probably, but he knows he was. And knowing he was probably already planning to say this that night he came over stings in an entirely different way. Was it wrong to have come here when he was in such a vulnerable state like that? He should have been paying close attention. Or maybe he was just in denial.]
If my feelings made you happy, then that's fine by me. A little heartache is worth it if it means you won't think such sad things about yourself anymore. [He reaches out and gives his arm a little pat, tone growing more playful.] So don't let it go to waste, got it? You should love yourself, at least!
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Because he knows how devastating it is to be abandoned.
Ranpo talks of self-love, and Zed's jaw clenches. He can't bear to think of that right now, especially when he's making the decision to hold Ranpo at arms length. When he can take Ranpo's hand so easily too.]
I-... [How can he not find the right words when there's so many thoughts buzzing around in his head? Damn it ...Well, the least he can do is go alone with the playful tone.] I suppose I can try as long as you continue to let me pet your hair in the future.
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...maybe, eventually, we could go back to that. I think I need some time to get used to thinking of you as just a friend again.
[As much as he wanted to think otherwise, it would be cruel to the both of them to just carry on as though nothing had changed. There's no way he can just crawl into Zed's bed now, nor enjoy the feeling of those cool and smooth hands against his face, without remembering this conversation.]
[His body language shifts, crossing one arm across himself as he takes a little step back. But the more he speaks, the harder it is to keep that smile genuine. And eventually, he'll be looking away.]
It's a little hard for me... I'm not really normal in that regard. I can't bring myself to like only one person, so... it's probably for the best, like this. You deserve someone who can give you all of their attention...
[He trails off, realizing he's not really saying that for Zed's sake. But maybe if he says it, and believes it, this won't hurt so much.]
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Yet Ranpo continues, throwing him off, making him feel...frustrated? Liking more than one person-- that can be tabled for thought another time. Ranpo implying that he's not enough, that right there is frustrating. Because it's quite the reverse between them. (And Zed has to push back the voice inside that says he didn't deserve anyone to begin with.)]
Stop. [Zed steps forward, ruining the distance between them to squeeze the detective's shoulders.] Stop, that-...that's my line.
[It feels like frustration, but Zed's face reads more like regret with his deepened frown and how he glances down at the space between them.]
No matter what you or I feel, I can't stay here forever. Which is why... [He won't make this work.] ...I'm relieved you have others to be with. So you won't be alone.
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...nothing lasts forever. That's as true here as it was back home.
[But he's not going to argue. It's not his place. If this is what Zed wants, then Ranpo just has to accept that. Even if it's painful.]
[He pulls back then, shrugging out of Zed's grip, with his expression downcast. That smile on his face is still there, but so strained he's sure Zed wouldn't believe it for a moment.]
...I should go.
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...Right. I'll see you around.
[It probably won't be for awhile while they both process this, but...eventually. Maybe. It could be quick if Ranpo goes to his other loved ones-- he really doesn't need him. Just a small heartache that will pass, he knows it.
Zed thinks of the case of beer in his fridge. He'll need that tonight.]
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[He takes a breath as if to say something, but decides against it. And so he leaves before another word can be shared between them, leaving the basket untouched.]