[It would be an impossible feat to be comforting at the moment. Yet, between crying her eyes out and actually sleeping without dreams, Kiki finally texts Ranpo after four days:]
[Pain is just part of her life; at least by sharing like this, he doesn't have to experience it with her. He won't be able to hear the acceptance in her voice or the dullness. Or the fear that it will all be too much for him. But he should know.]
Every time I fall asleep, someone murders me in my dreams. These dreams are as real to me as reality. It's been happening for a long time now.
Because I was hospitalized so often, I was the subject of a research project about unconscious brainwaves. That research was secretly used to make a machine, and I was kidnapped to become the core of it. It kept me in a coma for three years, but I still dreamed. I wouldn't remember who I was between dreams, but I continued to die in each of them. The machine would use my dreams to help solve crimes because my mind has connected to serial killers.
I had nothing in my world and no where to belong to. The last time I woke up, I was broken. People around me fell unconscious, and I realized that I was connecting to people all over the world. Before that, even my dreams were telling me I was going to lose myself. One day my mind would melt into reality and distort it with all the violence I experienced.
Besides dying, the only place I could continue to exist was inside the Mizuhanome. So I went back in.
I'm not as broken I was in my world. I've even had nights where I don't dream, which never happened before. But that's no guarantee that my power won't grow even more out of control.
I'm sorry if this is too much, but I feel like someone needs to know. Sigma-san understood, but he's gone now.
[Ranpo watches quietly as the words appear on screen, wondering what expression could possibly be on her gave while typing this. He knew she had gone through a lot -- some kind of experiments that kept her isolated and alone. He knew that death was something she must have known intimately. Sometimes, the look in her eyes reminded him of Yosano all those years ago.]
[Perhaps it's because of that that doesn't find himself feeling shocked at the revelation, but instead, just sad.]
[But as much as he feels he needs a moment to process this-- that last part has him replying immediately.]
It's not too much.
To be honest, I'd already figured out some of it. As well as the things you're leaving out.
[He's seen that darkness hiding behind the eyes of too many people in his life not to recognize it. Given what she's experienced, it's pretty understandable that she's thought of giving up. Multiple times, likely.]
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I'm taking my bike.
I'll let you know when it's safe to be around me.
[At least she's holding it together enough to get out of the dorms.]
no subject
[S-Sorry for the curtness, but he's really not in the best mindset to be a comforting figure at the moment.]
no subject
I think it should be okay now.
no subject
Do you want me to come pick you up?
[Not that she needs it when she has her scooter-- but if she wants to talk, doing so outside the dorm might still be better.]
no subject
No, I'll drive back. [Then a minute later--]
This is a good place to tell you more about me. Where I can't hurt you. There's more to the memories that you saw.
When you want to hear it, I'll call you from here. It doesn't have to be today.
no subject
But I'm not going to ask you to remember anything painful just to satisfy my curiosity.
When you're ready to talk about it, and when you want me to know-- you can tell me then.
no subject
[Pain is just part of her life; at least by sharing like this, he doesn't have to experience it with her. He won't be able to hear the acceptance in her voice or the dullness. Or the fear that it will all be too much for him. But he should know.]
Every time I fall asleep, someone murders me in my dreams. These dreams are as real to me as reality. It's been happening for a long time now.
Because I was hospitalized so often, I was the subject of a research project about unconscious brainwaves. That research was secretly used to make a machine, and I was kidnapped to become the core of it. It kept me in a coma for three years, but I still dreamed. I wouldn't remember who I was between dreams, but I continued to die in each of them. The machine would use my dreams to help solve crimes because my mind has connected to serial killers.
I had nothing in my world and no where to belong to. The last time I woke up, I was broken. People around me fell unconscious, and I realized that I was connecting to people all over the world. Before that, even my dreams were telling me I was going to lose myself. One day my mind would melt into reality and distort it with all the violence I experienced.
Besides dying, the only place I could continue to exist was inside the Mizuhanome. So I went back in.
I'm not as broken I was in my world. I've even had nights where I don't dream, which never happened before. But that's no guarantee that my power won't grow even more out of control.
I'm sorry if this is too much, but I feel like someone needs to know. Sigma-san understood, but he's gone now.
no subject
[Perhaps it's because of that that doesn't find himself feeling shocked at the revelation, but instead, just sad.]
[But as much as he feels he needs a moment to process this-- that last part has him replying immediately.]
It's not too much.
To be honest, I'd already figured out some of it. As well as the things you're leaving out.
[He's seen that darkness hiding behind the eyes of too many people in his life not to recognize it. Given what she's experienced, it's pretty understandable that she's thought of giving up. Multiple times, likely.]