[ He's back at it again with his bullshit and it's the funniest thing. Setsura isn't planning on addressing it, but there's a distinct little sound from nowhere, a very clear womp womp wooomp that sees her straighten and... pretend that didn't just happen.
At least it happened immediately before he began his explanation.
And breezing right past that now -- so that's it, hm? ]
I'm sure Shigure-san and the others are keeping an eye on him. He escaped once, so I'd say it's more probable than not that he could find his way back again. In the meantime, your friend want you sitting cooped up in your dorm depressed, would he?
[Oh, he bristles at that. It's subtle, the way his frown shifts from neutral to annoyance, but it's there. Is he really being lectured for this?]
[But then-- considering just how much he has to walk on eggshells all day around Kiki to avoid upsetting her, the fact that she's not here and he doesn't have to hold back right now is probably a factor in that.]
Considering that's exactly what he would do in my shoes, if anything, I'm just paying tribute to him.
And in any case-- just because I call you mom doesn't make you my mother. If I wanted to sit around for a whole month being depressed, that's my business, not yours.
[He flops backwards on the bed again, arms folded behind his head.]
--so, are you going to take that personally and leave? Or are you actually going to talk to me about this?
[ She's quiet and inside of that quiet wondering why she's still perched there, looking at him. Her heart keeps trying to deploy itself deeper into the pit of her stomach and her feet feel like stones and she wants to say something so much it hurts, but what the hell is she supposed to say?
Everything rushes and runs together and she could choke on it for how sick she suddenly feels in this instant. Her voice cracks. ]
You asked me in the first place, so you can't just say something like that.
[ Like it's not her business, like he's not -- like he's not her friend. ]
[His eyes are focused on the ceiling, as if hoping it would even be possible to talk to her without seeing everything. Perhaps that was the worst part. He could figure everything out. He could look at her and see what sort of friendship existed between them in that other world. He could mold himself to act the part of the Ranpo she knew, until he could get to know her well enough for it to feel natural.]
[But he doesn't want to. If she doesn't want to tell him, then it feels too much like intruding.]
[But those words make him realize something. Whether he looks at her or not-- it won't change. Whether she actually talks to him or not, this tension, this pain she's carrying with her... it won't change. Even if she tells him everything about the life he lived in this other world, their friendship and history together, it won't change the fact that the person she knew isn't the one who's sitting in front of her right now.]
[And so he sits up again, turning -- and looking at her. Really looking at her.]
No. I didn't.
You keep looking at the one who did, but that's not who's sitting in front of you.
[As much as he tries not to see it, he does. This isn't the first time she's felt a pain like like this. Under what circumstances it happened before, he's not sure -- but he can see there's a pain that runs deeper than this situation right now.]
Look at me. Ranpo Edogawa, the man you met in Nippon when you snatched a fortune out of his hand-- I'm the one who's here. Maybe I'm not the one you expected, or even the one you wanted-- but that's just how it is.
So I'm going to ask you this... do you want to be my friend? Because I still want to be yours. But that's not going to work if you can't accept me as the person I am here and now, sitting in front of you.
It isn't like she didn't know, couldn't see it. The differences between the Ranpo she knows and the one sitting in front of her are stark, but there's similarities there rooted in more than their appearance.
His appearance alone had been enough at times to see her forget who exactly had been there in front of her, that they're strangers with so very little between them.
It's clear to her now, clearer still in the face of just how much she misses him. Of course she does. She loves him too much, too much to be the sort of fair she wants to be to this Ranpo. Even though they're strangers, from the beginning, she... thinks she liked him that much, too.
Probably. ]
I don't think I can be a good friend to you right now, Edogawa-san.
[ Oh, she hates it. She hates it and she's pushing herself up. She needs to leave. She can't be around him, around anyone, feeling so much like this. ]
[Her words felt intentional. It wasn't a no, but it wasn't a yes -- pushing him away, while so obviously not wanting to. And wouldn't that just leave them exactly as they are now? In this weird pseudo-friendship where one side clearly cares more than they want to admit, and yet won't let the one they care about any closer?]
[He hates it. It's complicated, and annoying. It's obvious why things can't just be simple. But why not just let them be complicated? Trying to dance around the fact that he's not the Ranpo she knew is only making things worse.]
I'm asking what you want. Because if you don't want to be my friend... I'll leave you alone. But you need to be honest with me, and with yourself.
[He won't reach out to stop her from leaving. But he wants her to stay. Which is why he, too, will be a little more honest. He's sure she'll be able to understand, and look between the lines to see the real reason he's so upset right now.]
My friend who left... he was probably from the same place you came from. With the other me. And he pushed me away.
So I won't blame you if you want to do the same. But I wish you wouldn't.
[ Someone from the same place, someone who knew Ranpo, someone -- someone who pushed him away, that disappeared recently? It might not be anyone she knows, but then, Poe... Poe is gone, she's sure of that. The particular familiar she set to check in on him had investigated and returned to her with that news.
So then, Poe -- Poe, who had been dating Ranpo in that place -- pushed this Ranpo away...? There's more to it than that, things between the lines, and despite how she feels, how strong and tumultuous her emotions, she reads quick and well. She has to. Has to keep a handle on herself, her emotions, things, and the realization is enough to see her pause in her steps toward the window. Coupled with his prior words, it seizes her so that she stands still. ]
You're really bold, you know.
[ There's a slight note of exasperation there, but something very oddly, softly fond despite the stress of heavier emotions weighing on her. ]
Even now. I already told you, didn't I? I want to be your friend, but I can't be right here right now like this.
[He allows himself this moment to really read her body language here, trying to see what's intended between the lines. She's not just saying that. She does want to be his friend, but-- she needs time to process this. Or rather, she's so overwhelmed, maybe it simply isn't safe for her to be here, be it a matter of abilities or vulnerability.]
[And so without missing a beat, he smiles, letting out a small, exaggerated sigh. But for Setsura, who has seen those distant smiles on Ranpo's face before, she'll know exactly what he means with that expression. "Don't worry about me" -- the face of a man who knows all too well how his own mood influences others. If she feels she needs to leave, he won't stop her. Even if he'd really rather not be alone right now.]
Gee, and after you went to all this trouble climbing in my window... just don't forget to knock the next time you visit, okay?
[ He smiles and almost immediately, there's a particular tension that grips her. Most people might feel at ease, seeing that sort of expression on Ranpo's face, but most people don't read terribly well or past what they'd like to. Most people don't realize that distance and intention.
Setsura isn't most people and she knows this part of Ranpo too well.
It doesn't change the fact that she needs to leave, that it isn't necessarily safe for her to be around him at the moment, and when Caesar's assurances about Ranpo pop into her head (he's smart, resilient, capable in his own right -- all true, she knows), she brushes past them; and yet, she's opening the window and climbing through it. ]
Says the one who is definitely not going to knock next time...
[Exasperated, but-- there's a fondness there now too, and one that'll sound more familiar than the distance that was there before.]
[But as he watches her leave, waving despite her back facing him, a thought strikes him. He really didn't want her to leave, did he? For all that she must think it would be unfair to try and pick up her friendship with him where she left off with the last Ranpo, Ranpo himself can't deny feeling a similar desire. Wouldn't it be nice to have someone here to be genuinely close with? To have that connection right away, without waiting the necessary days and weeks and months for them to open and trust each other?]
[It's not as though he was totally alone here. He had friends, he had his roommate, there were even other people from his world here... but none of them were his family in the way that the ADA was. And he really never realized just how much he depended on their presence just in his day to day life.]
[He didn't want her to leave... because he didn't want to be alone. How pathetic has he become, to be so worked up over feeling a little lonely?]
[When Setsura returns to Ranpo's room, she'll find him sitting just where she left him -- but now with a hand held over his eyes, mouth scrunched up, and shoulders trembling ever so slightly.]
[Had she ever actually seen him cry before? Clearly this wasn't something he meant for her to see.]
[ It isn't something he meant for her to see. He didn't expect her back so soon, that much is obvious, and so many more things become obvious as she stands there looking at him from the other side of the window she'd been set to open. It isn't sealed so well that she can't hear him, every shuddering breath, and where some people might think to bow out and leave Ranpo to what was likely meant as a private moment, the thought doesn't occur to her here, now.
Opening the window quietly, she climbs through and closes it just the same. Without a hint of ceremony, she drops beside him and wraps an arm around him, pulling him into her arms against her. ]
[He hears the window opening, but doesn't really have much time to react -- looking up with wide, visibly tearful eyes, before quickly bending forward to cover and wipe them away. But while he won't return the hug, he won't push her away either. He needs it even more than he himself realizes.]
[He sniffles, reaching up to rest one hand over her arm, while the other rubs his face. It's about as close to hugging her back as he'll get.]
[Maybe he wasn't the Ranpo she knew, but... he was still "Ranpo" wasn't he? If she would allow it, maybe she could be someone he could lean on? Even if only just a little.]
[He makes a soft sound of affirmation, his head resting on her shoulder. Even now, he's clearly trying to compose himself, to dry his tears and calm himself down. But-- it's hard. For someone like Ranpo, who didn't typically allow himself this level of vulnerability, it was hard to reel it back in once cast.]
[And maybe a part of him doesn't want to. Is there anyone else here in this world he'd feel comfortable showing this side of himself to? Even now, even while being held in Setsura's arms and comforted, he feels like he should be pulling himself together.]
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At least it happened immediately before he began his explanation.
And breezing right past that now -- so that's it, hm? ]
I'm sure Shigure-san and the others are keeping an eye on him. He escaped once, so I'd say it's more probable than not that he could find his way back again. In the meantime, your friend want you sitting cooped up in your dorm depressed, would he?
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[But then-- considering just how much he has to walk on eggshells all day around Kiki to avoid upsetting her, the fact that she's not here and he doesn't have to hold back right now is probably a factor in that.]
Considering that's exactly what he would do in my shoes, if anything, I'm just paying tribute to him.
And in any case-- just because I call you mom doesn't make you my mother. If I wanted to sit around for a whole month being depressed, that's my business, not yours.
[He flops backwards on the bed again, arms folded behind his head.]
--so, are you going to take that personally and leave? Or are you actually going to talk to me about this?
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Everything rushes and runs together and she could choke on it for how sick she suddenly feels in this instant. Her voice cracks. ]
You asked me in the first place, so you can't just say something like that.
[ Like it's not her business, like he's not -- like he's not her friend. ]
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[But he doesn't want to. If she doesn't want to tell him, then it feels too much like intruding.]
[But those words make him realize something. Whether he looks at her or not-- it won't change. Whether she actually talks to him or not, this tension, this pain she's carrying with her... it won't change. Even if she tells him everything about the life he lived in this other world, their friendship and history together, it won't change the fact that the person she knew isn't the one who's sitting in front of her right now.]
[And so he sits up again, turning -- and looking at her. Really looking at her.]
No. I didn't.
You keep looking at the one who did, but that's not who's sitting in front of you.
[As much as he tries not to see it, he does. This isn't the first time she's felt a pain like like this. Under what circumstances it happened before, he's not sure -- but he can see there's a pain that runs deeper than this situation right now.]
Look at me. Ranpo Edogawa, the man you met in Nippon when you snatched a fortune out of his hand-- I'm the one who's here. Maybe I'm not the one you expected, or even the one you wanted-- but that's just how it is.
So I'm going to ask you this... do you want to be my friend? Because I still want to be yours. But that's not going to work if you can't accept me as the person I am here and now, sitting in front of you.
no subject
It isn't like she didn't know, couldn't see it. The differences between the Ranpo she knows and the one sitting in front of her are stark, but there's similarities there rooted in more than their appearance.
His appearance alone had been enough at times to see her forget who exactly had been there in front of her, that they're strangers with so very little between them.
It's clear to her now, clearer still in the face of just how much she misses him. Of course she does. She loves him too much, too much to be the sort of fair she wants to be to this Ranpo. Even though they're strangers, from the beginning, she... thinks she liked him that much, too.
Probably. ]
I don't think I can be a good friend to you right now, Edogawa-san.
[ Oh, she hates it. She hates it and she's pushing herself up. She needs to leave. She can't be around him, around anyone, feeling so much like this. ]
no subject
[Her words felt intentional. It wasn't a no, but it wasn't a yes -- pushing him away, while so obviously not wanting to. And wouldn't that just leave them exactly as they are now? In this weird pseudo-friendship where one side clearly cares more than they want to admit, and yet won't let the one they care about any closer?]
[He hates it. It's complicated, and annoying. It's obvious why things can't just be simple. But why not just let them be complicated? Trying to dance around the fact that he's not the Ranpo she knew is only making things worse.]
I'm asking what you want. Because if you don't want to be my friend... I'll leave you alone. But you need to be honest with me, and with yourself.
[He won't reach out to stop her from leaving. But he wants her to stay. Which is why he, too, will be a little more honest. He's sure she'll be able to understand, and look between the lines to see the real reason he's so upset right now.]
My friend who left... he was probably from the same place you came from. With the other me. And he pushed me away.
So I won't blame you if you want to do the same. But I wish you wouldn't.
no subject
So then, Poe -- Poe, who had been dating Ranpo in that place -- pushed this Ranpo away...? There's more to it than that, things between the lines, and despite how she feels, how strong and tumultuous her emotions, she reads quick and well. She has to. Has to keep a handle on herself, her emotions, things, and the realization is enough to see her pause in her steps toward the window. Coupled with his prior words, it seizes her so that she stands still. ]
You're really bold, you know.
[ There's a slight note of exasperation there, but something very oddly, softly fond despite the stress of heavier emotions weighing on her. ]
Even now. I already told you, didn't I? I want to be your friend, but I can't be right here right now like this.
no subject
[He allows himself this moment to really read her body language here, trying to see what's intended between the lines. She's not just saying that. She does want to be his friend, but-- she needs time to process this. Or rather, she's so overwhelmed, maybe it simply isn't safe for her to be here, be it a matter of abilities or vulnerability.]
[And so without missing a beat, he smiles, letting out a small, exaggerated sigh. But for Setsura, who has seen those distant smiles on Ranpo's face before, she'll know exactly what he means with that expression. "Don't worry about me" -- the face of a man who knows all too well how his own mood influences others. If she feels she needs to leave, he won't stop her. Even if he'd really rather not be alone right now.]
Gee, and after you went to all this trouble climbing in my window... just don't forget to knock the next time you visit, okay?
no subject
Setsura isn't most people and she knows this part of Ranpo too well.
It doesn't change the fact that she needs to leave, that it isn't necessarily safe for her to be around him at the moment, and when Caesar's assurances about Ranpo pop into her head (he's smart, resilient, capable in his own right -- all true, she knows), she brushes past them; and yet, she's opening the window and climbing through it. ]
Just don't forget to leave it open for me.
no subject
[Exasperated, but-- there's a fondness there now too, and one that'll sound more familiar than the distance that was there before.]
[But as he watches her leave, waving despite her back facing him, a thought strikes him. He really didn't want her to leave, did he? For all that she must think it would be unfair to try and pick up her friendship with him where she left off with the last Ranpo, Ranpo himself can't deny feeling a similar desire. Wouldn't it be nice to have someone here to be genuinely close with? To have that connection right away, without waiting the necessary days and weeks and months for them to open and trust each other?]
[It's not as though he was totally alone here. He had friends, he had his roommate, there were even other people from his world here... but none of them were his family in the way that the ADA was. And he really never realized just how much he depended on their presence just in his day to day life.]
[He didn't want her to leave... because he didn't want to be alone. How pathetic has he become, to be so worked up over feeling a little lonely?]
[When Setsura returns to Ranpo's room, she'll find him sitting just where she left him -- but now with a hand held over his eyes, mouth scrunched up, and shoulders trembling ever so slightly.]
[Had she ever actually seen him cry before? Clearly this wasn't something he meant for her to see.]
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Opening the window quietly, she climbs through and closes it just the same. Without a hint of ceremony, she drops beside him and wraps an arm around him, pulling him into her arms against her. ]
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...see, I said you wouldn't knock...
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I never said I would, you know.
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[He sniffles, reaching up to rest one hand over her arm, while the other rubs his face. It's about as close to hugging her back as he'll get.]
[Maybe he wasn't the Ranpo she knew, but... he was still "Ranpo" wasn't he? If she would allow it, maybe she could be someone he could lean on? Even if only just a little.]
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[ She says it simply, softly and within those three words is so much. She's here and she isn't going to go and leave him alone. ]
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[And maybe a part of him doesn't want to. Is there anyone else here in this world he'd feel comfortable showing this side of himself to? Even now, even while being held in Setsura's arms and comforted, he feels like he should be pulling himself together.]
...sorry. Just... need a minute.
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[ Turning her head into his, she gives him a nuzzle, but she doesn't press. She meant it, after all. ]